Tuesday, September 25, 2007


The last three days I was depressed for no apparent reason, well yes there were reasons. I felt lonely because I've been here in the US for seven months and I have the same routine day in and day out. In other words I am bored to death. I want a job, I told my husband when I called him at work one night and discussed some probable job prospectives that were set before me.

Of course, that simple conversation about a possible job opportunity in the city one hour away from our place didn't stop on that phone but turned into a frenzy of non-stop email exchanges. It came to a point that I told him I wanted to come back home, he said do whatever will make you happy or words to that effect. I always tell that to my husband, threathened him that I'l be going home if he won't give what I want. He's always been good to me, he actually spoiles me and I shouldn't complain.

You know the saying "an idle mind is the devil's workshop". When you're bored you get to think of so many things, most them are horrendous and you thought that the whole world is conniving against you. A friend's email has this bible verse Psalms 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God". Then it hits me, I stopped and reflect on God's words and I felt good. I know the Lord hasn't abondoned me nor wasn't he listening. He has blessed me abundantly each day. The fact that I was able to wake up each morning, get to do the things that I like to do like sleep all day, read, surf the net or the liberty of just sitting outside the porch doing nothing and just listen to the birds and play with my puppies. Plus, the time spent with my husband which I should savor while I'm still not working is a marvelous blessings.

With nothing to do, a time alone with yourself should make you submit into a little introspection. What kind of life have I been living all this time? I've been working all my life in Manila. I know what hard work is, I was raised into it. I value it. Who says life isn't boring? It can be and in my quest to overcome boredom I get to discover so many things about myself. One is that is I can actually write or blog which I've been dreaming for the longest time. I get to experiment on cooking especially baking (blew it twice and my puppies had a field day eating my self concocted cake recipe). I get to value money more, with no work and one paycheck on our coffers I only buy what is necessary and what we can consume. Even the simplest things, I found out that I love the smell of newly mowed grass never knew it before. I get to read the bible again and immerse in God's words. I can say I am an eternal optimist and what I'm going through at the moment "this too shall pass".

Truly the lord will open your eyes to see his blessings and let him work in your life. Today, I also got a blessing from a friend who wants to remain anonymous, she sent me $100 on the mail. She said it's a wedding presents from her. Blessings come in many different forms and circumstances. Most times our human nature fail to recognize it even though it has been right in front of us for the longest time. It happens to me countless times. I should just sit down and count my blessings. It's our choice but to me I chose to buckle down and count. I got a lot from the Lord. Actually I couldn't count it with my little hands.

Discover it today and it will make you happy. My prayer for everyone is this...

Psalms 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God". Heavenly Father, I am sorry that today I almost did not recognize you. Lost in my own thoughts about the unanswered prayers you reminded me that I should be still and let you work your own way into our lives. Father God I lift up to you people who have lost hope in life, lost hope in you, doubted you. I pray that you touch their heart and let them realize that you are our living God and that you'll answer our prayers in your own time. Give us a thankful heart for all the countless blessings we fail to recognize and that you made it all possible. Sorry for my whining and compalining Lord, please forgive me. In Jesus mighty name, Amen!

I Survived Night Driving!

We had set saturday night this week for our movie date. We went to see the movie 3:10 to Yuma last night. It was a good movie and we both enjoyed it.

Flashback scenes before going to the movie. Checked out the net for the schedules of the cinemas at Randolph Mall at Asheboro and Sandhills Cinemas at Southern Pines. Asheboro is less than 30 mins drive from home while Southern Pines is 45 mins away. 3:10 to Yuma is not available at Randolph Mall so we decided to go to Southern Pines and set to see the 7:15pm screening.

As usual, I'm the designated chaueffer. We left the house around 5:45 and I manuevered my way to the country road on my big buddy Buick. Between driving and singing my worship song in the car. We changed route this time. We used Lakey Siding Road from the usual Old Plank Road which I became so familiar with that I've memorized every curve it has. I'm scared of Lakey Siding Road because it's narrow, has this very steep and curvy road. I dread passing through that road. It makes every bones in my body chill and I feel that it will take time for me to get used to it.

I think it was a smooth ride and don't ask my husband about it because he'll never compliment me despite getting to our destination in one piece hehehehe Yes it was a good ride, with my occasional drifting and steering wheel wobbling or my speed limit dropping off I'm happy with my performance this time. Indeed practice makes perfect. We made it to Highway 2427 then 215 and then Southern Pines. Oh I also hate the traffic especially at the circle which I have to yield to ongoing traffic. I survived that one too.

Ok now we're at Southern Pines, hubby said he's hungry and we have to swing by the Chinese Resto to have dinner. I decided against it. I ate sandwhich and left over salad from the other night before we left home (while he's taking a nap). We went instead to Fresh Market to buy a roasted beef sandwhich and drink for my already starving husband. We like Fresh Market it's beautiful, a little expensive, and I guess it's a high-end store that caters to the mostly rich Yankees that has migrated to Southern Pines and it's neighboring golf course villages.

We got my husband's take-out food. Now the trouble was I didn't bring my purse and food is not allowed inside the theather. Had I have it with me we could simple hide it inside and he could have a good time eating a roast beef sandwhich inside the cinemas. Well what he did was eat while I steered the car to the parking lot. I found a good spot away from other cars. At the far end corner but unfortunately someone got beside me that quick or I was slow that I found out we're no longer alone in my little corner. Geez hubby's eatin' while I was drivin' has to be careful and give him time to munch on his big take-out that can't be taken inside the movie house hehehehe

Got to the cinema and the movie was finished by 9:30.

Now it's night time driving for me. It's my first time. As usual Lynn has to help me get out of the maze while I gingerly zigzag my way out of the parking lot and off to the road. It was a struggle for me. I literally prayed the whole time that I was driving. My eyes give me additional trouble or so I guess but I think I was finding excuse for my sloppy driving or I was uncomfortable driving at night. There's the usual cussing from my husband who totally think that Colby his (9 yr old grandson) is far better driver than me. My errors as my husband put it, are too many to count. I clicked the highbeam light together with right hand signal and within distance from another car on the other side of the road (it was a dangerous thing mind you) or I was too fast while passing a state trooper and boy you could imagine the horror on my husband's face. I still get the usual flank. You can't be sensitive with him or else the marriage will be out in the drain and I'l be heading home ASAP back to the Phils.

He has constantly chastised me that I actually got used to it or I'm just taking it all in stride. Most times tears will just roll down my face while driving while your husband thought your a "dummy" for not listening to his yakking. "Give me some gas", or "you're drifting to the yellow lane", "what's that dumb move" and all that dialogue that one time pushed me to the edge and put the brakes, stopped on the side of the road and slammed the door and moved to the passenger seat. There was total silence for an hour. After the heat subsided I reclaimed my driving seat.

This night was no exception, I was thinking that he will be good to me considering that this was the first time that I will be doing it. He wasn't that bad at all he didn't let me go through my dreaded Lakey Siding Road. Still, we managed to get home safely. And I survived night driving!

Saying Goodbye to a Harley!

My husband has put up his 2005 Harley Davidson Softail Deluxe for sale at the Harley Shop down at Pinehurst. It's been a week and the silence of the usually loud Harley has put our household to kinda different atmosphere. It has affected us in ways I cannot described. I think I missed it. Oh I missed it's sound when it first cranks up, it's like saying here I am making my presence felt so listen up and look at me!

It's my husband's baby, you know Americans fascination with big toys for big boys. To put it in another perspective it's the third woman in our relationship. At the beginning I was kinda jealous of her but day by day she has slowly gotten her way into my heart and though it's hard to admit I love her! I enjoy being around her all the time. Again, I missed her!

Without the Harley around our life has turned to a new direction and that is my car and my driving but that is another story. I'l write a piece about that some other time.

My husband is off this weekend. It has cooled a little bit from the triple degrees weather we had for several weeks and it's perfect riding moment. We could have taken off and enjoy the ride but without her we are in total disarray. We try not to dwell on her but she's been a big part of our life and no matter how we tried to focus on something else she will always somehow manage to make us missed her.

It's been over six months since I first got to know her. I remember when I first saw her. She's beautiful and sleek, always clean and shiny, and the envy of many. My husband has been with her for two years and he said it was a loving relationship. Before I got here they did so many things together and have been to different places. He has spoiled her with so many extra additions to her already beautiful look. From my husband's calculation he spent about $2k for new pipes, chrome handle bars, chrome inside fenders, chrome clutch and you name it she has it.

Despite all that she is and the pain of being separated from someone you have grown to love. I've let her go. I am happy and excited to have our new 2008 Harley Davidson Road Glide soon. I can't wait to be on the road again and share my husband with a new woman.

My Seventh Month In America

Hello yawl (like how we say it here in the south)

I have been wanting to write about my journey here in the US and it took close to seventh month before I finally started to do it. This is my first blog and it summarizes my journey and a little of my life and there's more to come.

I'm now a "certified southern filipina country girl". We live in a smalltown with a population of about 2k and acres upon acres of land before us. The town of Robbins in North Carolina is the hometown where democratic presidential candidate John Edward was raised. He and my husband went school together at North Moore High School. Despite the fact that Robbins has a famous hometown boy, still this is an Elephant town (that's another interesting story).

Anyway, my nearest neighbors are my mother-in-law and my step daughter and so many trees in between us so I couldn't even see their houses from where we live and my stepson lives at the hill behind the woods from us. I need to drive to their place everytime I want to visit them. They are all good to me and I love them dearly.

It was a big adjustment for me. I used to work at the one of the big corporations back in Manila at one of the progressive business district and commute by FX or MRT everyday. When I got here six months ago I was in shocked. At night, and you're driving it is dark on the road not unless you're in the city but outside of city limits your car's light is the only thing that illuminates the road. There's no row of lamp posts in the street unlike back home.

Back in Manila, we have the convenience and easy access to a shopping mall and anytime you get bored you could just commute and window shop even if we don't have the money. Here if you don't know how to drive and husband is working you're useless and will be stucked at home. So for someone like me that only know jeepney, MRT, cabs or FX as a means of transportation, driving was one of my first few days order of business so to speak.

I've never drove back home and they say that country driving is easy but here our road is mostly hilly or curvy and I've cried bucket full of tears while my husband has been teaching me how to drive. It was a big challenge, my husband is the nicest person on earth but when it comes to my driving he's got zero tolerance and I understand him since his dad and his little brother we're both killed in a wrecked six mos apart. I used to tease him that my driving will be the cause of our divorce but now that I'm chauffering him anywhere we go and he has been complementing me, said I've improved alot getting a license for someone like me has been very empowering and liberating.

Also, I've now become adjusted with the southern food. I've learned how to cook beans, baked biscuits and cornbread from scratch, cajun, casserole but still I have my rice. I've been all by myself at night since my husband works third shift as Correctional Captain but the good thing is he only works 2 or 5x every other week. And he got me two beagle puppies for companion.

I'm loving it here, the people are so nice. It's very laidback and simple far cry from the very toxic life I've been living back in Manila. I used to spend almost 12hrs a day at work most times and at month end closing we stay overnight and sometimes work on sat and sun. I do get bored here many times, cried from missing my family but messenger is a big help and my wonderful husband has been so good to me.

We do so many things together tho' I still let him go out to see and talk to his buddies. We go to the gym together, we go out on dates every other friday that he's off from work, dine out, watch movie, church, going to the bookstore, car shows, harley davidson shop, ebay or me driving the country road stopping only for a little treat of ice cream or coffee or we just take off on his Harley and drive miles upon miles as I watch the world goes by.

I'm now starting to find work and got so many calls in the big city which I couldn't accept because it's all either an hr or two hrs away from our place. I think for now my only chance to find work here is at the county or community college which is 20 mins away from our place. I know it will still be a long journey but couldn't ask for anything more, life has been great and I'm so blessed... Goodluck to yawl!